My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
