I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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