I have demons in me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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