I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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