She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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