I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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