You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
