I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
