Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
