i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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