I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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