Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
