Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
