I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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