billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
