Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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