There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
