Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize