Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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