I wanna bring you to show and tell
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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