Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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