she was so not down for the gang bang
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
