I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
