I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
