I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
love makes seman taste better
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize