Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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