have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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