the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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