He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
