Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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