I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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