what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
