Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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