Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
