Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
