did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You smell like stripper and shame
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize