you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
