Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
