we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
