Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's blow job season.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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