I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
