i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
