My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize