I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is not my ceiling
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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