I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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