theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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