You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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