So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
