you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
smell my finger.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize