i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
