I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
