i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
