I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
