Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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