My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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