were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
