wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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