Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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