And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
