I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
