she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
