It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
