She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize