Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
