im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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