Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
