I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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