It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
